Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Intro to HIDE THE CRAZY.com!

Welcome fellow crazy people...or those who need help maintaining and living with the crazy in a relationship. And let's face it, I'm talking about WOMEN. But MEN, this will help you, too.

This site will on a daily basis post a rule for you crazy people to follow. Let's face it. What are the usual dating stereotypes? Girls are crazy! But hey, guys are douchebags. But HOW crazy are you? HOW big of a douchebag are you? I am here to help you guys out with guidelines that should "HIDE it so you can KEEP him"...that's the basic idea. However, don't confuse these tips as a recommendation of some kind to turn INTO a man. Don't THINK like a man, like people have been saying nowadays. Just learn to control the crazy but don't BECOME a man. Because what makes a woman stand out from a man, and what's honestly her greatest power, is her sensitivity. All those little nuances that make a man weak in his knees. So contain the CRAZY but keep the femininity. That's what's KEY.

And with that said, here in lies:


Sure chicas, when you're in an established relationship and he has DTR'd you (defined the relationship), and once he's established (for now) that you are not out of your frickin mind, you can of course call within reason. But get into the normal practice of knowing that when a guy is thinking of you and wants to talk to you, hear from you, ask you out, even booty call you (let's hope not, I have rules even on acceptable booty calling), he WILL call you.

No he's not DEAD. He's alive and he will call. If he's dead, you will find out eventually and you will stop by the funeral. No he didn't LOSE YOUR NUMBER. And guess what? If he did, if he REALLY likes you, he will find a way to find you, to get to you. There is facebook, the internet, SO many ways to find you. If he really is tragically looking for you and can't find you, it will be ok. Be willing to risk that but a resourceful guy can track a woman down.

I was in Hawaii with a girlfriend, almost a decade older than me. She had just met a guy she really liked but he wasn't much of a phone guy. Within the first day of our 4 day trip, she was already going BONKERS because he had not called or checked in to see how things were going or to say he missed her or a quick hello. Look ladies, I know, we all dream of this, we all want it, and hey, we all (ok not all, you crazies) deserve it. So she wanted to text him or call him but they were still in the baby stages. I told her to wait it out. Enjoy the vacation, the golden Hawaiian sun, the pina coladas (and my favorite, chocolate rum shakes, yum). By the next day, she could NOT enjoy our girls' vacation, she was too distraught over a guy she barely knew yet. Sure, they had 3 cool dates but believe me, if this dude had seen her pulling her hair out and ranting and raving all over Maui, he'd have run for the hills.

Luckily, he was not there to see this madness. I, newly adopted life coach in Maui, could not talk her off the ledge but at least contained the crazy and reassured her of the "he's not dead" fact. Sure enough, 2 1/2 days into the trip, he sent a short quick hello email and even added "I miss you" in the end. Had she called and released the tirade of insanity, there would be no 4th date, be rest assured. But thanks to the conditioning of NOT TOUCHING THAT DAMN PHONE OR COMPUTER, she came back home to a man who did not SEE THE CRAZY. Sure, maybe he would later. But hey, it could be months later and his stuff may already be at her place and he may be more invested by then. Hey dudes, the same goes for you. We all think you guys are the shizzz in the beginning but we don't find out about your gambling addictions or red hot fiery tempers or secret Ed Hardy matching shirt & hat collections until later as well and by then, we too, are invested.

But you get the point. Play it cool. Some of Maui Gal Time was salvaged and this crazy chick got to keep her man for a good 9 months I believe before she realized he wasn't the one and it was time to move on. But it was one of her longer lasting relationships to date.

Until you establish a comfortable back and forth, let him reach out to you. He will long for you more. He will not think you are clingy (even if you are). And if you are, train yourself. Clingy is unattractive. Play the guitar, pick up basketweaving, DON'T CALL HIM, DON'T TEXT HIM. This first rule should actually be relabeled as DON'T TEXT HIM, LET HIM TEXT YOU since no one calls anymore. But if he DOES actually call vs text, then either he is older (born pre circa 1984) or scores extra points.

Girls, I'm telling you...if you call or text him first, if you keep doing it, if you don't know how to stop, you will fall into the abyss of NEVER HEARING BACK or not getting something satisfactory back. Lock your phones. Play Scramble Free instead. It's way more stimulating. And you will not come off crazy.